Thrown In The Deep End

Advancements in technology and industry are generally designed to do one of two things:  provide a higher quality or more pleasing product or improve efficiency.  Dare I say that I am awfully tired and disorganized considering how much time I am supposed to be saving with the plethora of technological developments over the last 20 years?

This period of time dubbed "the pandemic", "2020", "these unprecedented times", etc..., has resulted in polar levels of activity.  For many, we had to slow down and almost stop.  Life was cancelled.  But for others, there was much work to do in order to "beat the coronavirus" and create a "new normal".  

For me, this life interruption has been frustrating and refreshing at the same time.  I've gotten used to a slower pace and less commitments, so forgive me if I tell you that I am somewhat pretending that there really is no school.  I figure if I can't do the fun stuff, I shouldn't have to deal with the chaos of the not-so-fun stuff.  I obviously know better, but it has been a good coping mechanism thus far.  

Being that my first-born came into this world before a new millenium, I actually have memories as a mother of a time that was much less complicated.  I literally remember my husband pointing out an early version of a digital camera on the tram at Disney and thinking, "What?".  I think Justin was about 3.  We still had VHS (which of course were new to households when I was a child), high-speed internet was still up-and-coming, and the IPod was just starting to replace the Walkman.  Life was so much more advanced than the previous 20 years, and so "ancient" compared to now.

This week, I (while still gladly embracing most of it) am ready to throw it all against the wall.  I am so tired of a gazillion passwords and "not really single sign-on" portals.  While I appreciate the communication, I feel inundated with the repeated texts, phone calls, and emails.  I keep forgetting what the next lesson in my daughter's virtual class is about, and there's no book to pick up and flip through!  Just click, password, click, etc...  And do NOT even get me started on two-factor authentication!  I appreciate the extra efforts at security, but what a pain in the neck......

And since I've gotten started.......let's talk social media and news.  Like all technology, these tools can be real gifts.  I never would be able to talk to all of you or find my high school friends or feel like my sister is just minutes away.  But, as they say, you can have too much of a good thing.  It's easy to get overwhelmed with constant input and new information.  Talk about sensory overload!

Truly, as much as the internet has brought us closer together, it also has driven us further apart.  "We" ignore each other, and "we" are MEAN and argumentative behind our keyboards.  That part of it is really disturbing.  

Technology serves us well much of the time, but like us, it is constantly evolving and changing.  I guess that's what makes it so frustrating sometimes.  There's been a lot to adapt to in the last few months, and  my husband and I  are constantly talking about it.  We wonder what changes from this period in history will stick.  Will there always be masks, standing spots, enhanced cleaning protocols, and lowered capacities?  How long will it last?

I always answer this:  in the long run, people will keep what adds value, what makes life easier or more efficient but doesn't add so much cost or aggravation that the feasability of it fizzles.  Like most decisions, it comes down to risks vs. rewards.  We will not be able to be idealistic about it;  we will have to make choices.  But, we will move forward.  We may disagree about which direction to take or choices to make, but the reality is that every positive has a negative, and every negative has a positive.  It's all in how you want to look at it.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;  A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;  A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;  A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;  A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) and Change

One of the most difficult things for someone with sensory issues is change.  The reason for that lies in the fact that familiarity is safe.  The goal of our neurological system is to keep our bodies in a place where we feel “just right”. Jean Ayres, an occupational therapist, first coins this phrase, claiming that the best therapy will be somewhere between too easy and too difficult.  At home, a "sensory diet" is prescribed, suggesting activities that will challenge without overwhelming.   

To accomplish this "just right", we (all of us) are constantly making adjustments to our environment.  We might avoid spicy foods or back away from a hot stove.  We might crave something salty or sweet or cover our ears when it is too noisy.  Shifting our weight to balance or holding our pencil a certain way all help us to maintain consistency in our body. 

When faced with an unknown, we have to process all kinds of new information.  For many people, this is relatively easy, but for others, the wealth of new input is overwhelming.  In familiar situations, a person with sensory processing disorder (and all of us on some level) has developed coping mechanisms over time.  They know where the quiet places are, what foods they will want to eat (or to eat ahead of time or bring a snack), what clothes are most comfortable, who will hug them or give them space, how long they are expected to sit in a chair and how much energy will be required to complete tasks.  They can plan and also relax as tasks become easier with practice.

Transitions mess all of that up.  For a person with sensory processing problems that has gotten to a comfortable, "just right" place, a change is like an alarm clock going off when you are fast asleep.  It is jarring, jolts you, and puts you into a panic.  That panicky feeling is your body's protection system, the very basis of your survival.  We know it as "fight or flight".  

Pretend that instead of a blaring alarm clock, you were given cues to tell your body to slowly wake up.  Maybe the curtains are slightly opened or soft music is playing.  Perhaps, someone is whispering your name and then speaking louder in regular intervals.  It would hopefully help to eliminate the shock of sleep suddenly interrupted.  Transitional cues and routines help those with SPD in the same way.  

If surviving in daily life is hard without routine, warnings, and predictability, imagine how difficult changes in that routine are.  School starts for the year while summer stops and vice versa.  Daylight Savings Time begins or ends.  It is a holiday or special event.  Favorite places are closed or menus change.  Eventually, all of these changes and transitions become the "new normal", but in the meantime, and to varying degrees those with sensory processing issues suffer.  They no longer feel "just right".

Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) affects people with lots of different diagnoses, particularly those on the autism spectrum.  However, it can also occur all by itself.  It is almost harder that way.  It is invisible to others except for the resulting "behaviors" that they can see.  And that often results in judgments of "weird", "odd", "brat", "problem child/student", "distant", etc....Yes, the behaviors are difficult and probably need intervention, but they are not defiance.  Watch, observe, and see what you see.  You might find you are now looking with a different lens.

The Cycle of Feelings

My Dad told me once to never make decisions at night when I was tired.  Good advice.  I tried to nap and go to bed when I was feeling negative, but I still woke up just "done" today.  I haven't been sleeping really well.  Between waking up early, napping, and staying up late, I doubt that I'm truly getting the best rest.  It caught up with me today, I guess, because after lunch and a nap, I am feeling quite a bit better.  

I have to say, though, that after staying fairly positive despite continual change and uncertainty, I just didn't it in me this morning, and discouragement was really setting in.  I have to work pretty hard to stay on top of my mood.  Anxiety, depression, and a low sense of self-worth constantly try to creep in and take over.  One of the strategies I have learned to employ beside self-care is self-talk.  It is important for me to recognize that I hate transitions and change, but that I will feel much better as I become accustomed to the situation.  So, I realize that I AM adjusting to the barrage of cancellations and closings.  While my routine has been thrown into upheaval and unknowns still exist, I WILL adapt.  Meanwhile, I am uneasy and frustrated and being hungry or tired interrupts my ability to cope.  I am trying so hard to be strong, but I also need to give myself grace.  So, if you're feeling that way, too, you're not alone.  And it's going to be ok - eventually.

“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength; they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:31

Moving On

I'm just sad....Our neighbors of the last 11 years are moving.  My 9 year old has grown up with their family - 8 year old girl and 5 and 1 year old boys.  They have seen our son go from a first grader to a senior in high school.  Our 13 year old was two when they moved in.  They are our family in Christ. 




Good neighbors provide a unique opportunity to be spontaneous in our interactions and to minister to one another in very practical ways.  We watch out for each other, borrow when needed, offer encouragement and advice, and in the case of close neighbors, share each others' burdens.  This has been so true as the McCutchens have shared their lives and lived next door. 




To maintain a relationship, we will now need to make a much bigger effort and commitment.  We can't just look out the window or over the fence anymore.  It's an ending and a beginning. 




What will happen?  I don't really know.  I am especially sad for our youngest.  It is yet another time that my heart breaks for my child, and I have to feel so much more than is comfortable.  Meanwhile, school starts in less than two weeks.  My "children" will be in 4th, 8th, and 12th grades this year.  I thought I had more time...........treasure the moments.




...........Yet, we continue to trust and recognize God's hand in all of this (whether we want to admit it or not), because we know that He is in control and wants the very best for us.


Ecclesiastes 3:1-8




To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;  a time to plant, and time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;  a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;  a time to mourn, and a time to dance; 
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;  a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose;  a time to keep, and time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew;  a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate;  a time of war, and a time of peace.

You Can Count on God

And He knows your name.

And He's always the same.

No matter how life may change,

You can count on God.

This is the chorus of a song that I wrote in the heartache of watching, through Facebook and weekly church updates, the journey of an old friend. My friend is from when our church was small. We were part of the original youth group. His dad is still the pastor. I don't know him much now, but I have a daughter only a few months older than his. Except,

he and his wife lost their daughter. They discovered her brain tumor, shared with all of us, demonstrated incredible faith, and said goodbye all in ten short weeks. It was heartbreaking and amazing all at once. God used them.

But....I still cried. I'm still sad. I was scared.

One night when the pain was deep, in the throes of their journey, a song came to my heart. I never quite got the verses (or maybe I threw them away), but the chorus remains. It speaks truth, a truth I discovered in an earlier life valley. It is a truth I continue to hold on to.

I bring back these words because, since then, his brother, also a youth group buddy (my little sister's age) has died. This time it was by choice. I still grieve.

Yet, their family still shines as an example of faithfulness. Ironically, it was their mom that taught me about the book of Job in the Bible.

Today, I am sad because yet another youth group friend has died. I'm not even sure what happened or what had become of him in the last 20+ years. I do know that in high school, I saw Christ in him and looked up to him. He used the resources given to him to include people and was one of the few I called friend. After high school, I don't know if we would have been friends. I gather that my friend still did great things and loved people well. I am proud of that. I read that maybe he made choices I would have disagreed with, and I wish that he could have been the man of God that I dreamed him to be (maybe he was, I really don't know). I grieve for my friends that were closer with him than I, and I am saddened that we, as a society, seem to miss that the people who are most charismatic and giving to others are also hurting and in need of support.

Today, I mourn my youth and the loss of innocence.

So, right this moment, I continue to "count on God", because I have realized that He's truly all I have to count on. I've had great, giving, faithful people in my life and continue to do so.

But.....life changes.......

Irony

 

 

After I got married, things changed.  The change wasn't as much with me as with my parents and siblings. In short, times changed, dynamics changed, and kids started to grow up. It was a hard transition for me. As I wrote in the post, "You Can Count on God", I realized over time that change was inevitable and that the only thing I could trust to NOT change was God.

Justin
Ironically, I am now at another huge transition where my own kids are starting to grow up. Justin is 16 now and a sophomore in high school. He drives, he has a girlfriend, and he'd rather be with his friends than his family. It's up and down and back and forth, though, with the root of it all being that he's being driven internally to become independent.

It's not that much different from toddlerhood. You see, God has given children an inner rebellion at just the right time. It is a conflict, really. They want to please us and be with us, yet this inner drive forces them to start moving away. The beauty of it is that they act so horribly sometimes that it helps us to loosen our grip on them! God's design continually amazes me!

They come back, though, and hormones even out, so it is true......"He makes all things beautiful in His time." Ecclesiastes 3:11

And by the way, I am so proud of Justin. He is a caring, dedicated, polite, responsible, and talented young man. He works very hard in school and band, has lots of friends, and is developing into a gifted musician. I can trust him and pray that God continues to weave great things into his life.

Rachel

Apparently, you better enjoy your "little kids" when they are in elementary school, because Rachel is now 11 1/2, in sixth grade, and as tall as me. She loves middle school, and I love watching her thrive. She is on the cheerleading team, in band (trumpet!) and chorus and has her own YouTube channel. She loves Minecraft and horses.

I miss the family times, though. It's easier when we can let them stay at home sometimes and when they can take more and more care of themselves, but it has a tendency to leave you lonely.

Hannah

Hannah is 7 1/2, in second grade, and reading like a champ. It seems like only yesterday that she started preschool. She loves Minecraft and horses, too, and chooses those activities over most others. She still has a beautiful childlike spirit but as the youngest, is often drawn into the activities of the older two. I still call her my baby, and she tells me, "Sorry, Mom, but I'm growing up!".

It seems like the oldest child gets kept younger, the youngest child grows up faster, and the middle gets stuck in between. It has its good and bad points, I guess.

The good part is that I have lots of littles to borrow and can give them back when I am realizing once again how old I seem to have become!