Thrown In The Deep End

Advancements in technology and industry are generally designed to do one of two things:  provide a higher quality or more pleasing product or improve efficiency.  Dare I say that I am awfully tired and disorganized considering how much time I am supposed to be saving with the plethora of technological developments over the last 20 years?

This period of time dubbed "the pandemic", "2020", "these unprecedented times", etc..., has resulted in polar levels of activity.  For many, we had to slow down and almost stop.  Life was cancelled.  But for others, there was much work to do in order to "beat the coronavirus" and create a "new normal".  

For me, this life interruption has been frustrating and refreshing at the same time.  I've gotten used to a slower pace and less commitments, so forgive me if I tell you that I am somewhat pretending that there really is no school.  I figure if I can't do the fun stuff, I shouldn't have to deal with the chaos of the not-so-fun stuff.  I obviously know better, but it has been a good coping mechanism thus far.  

Being that my first-born came into this world before a new millenium, I actually have memories as a mother of a time that was much less complicated.  I literally remember my husband pointing out an early version of a digital camera on the tram at Disney and thinking, "What?".  I think Justin was about 3.  We still had VHS (which of course were new to households when I was a child), high-speed internet was still up-and-coming, and the IPod was just starting to replace the Walkman.  Life was so much more advanced than the previous 20 years, and so "ancient" compared to now.

This week, I (while still gladly embracing most of it) am ready to throw it all against the wall.  I am so tired of a gazillion passwords and "not really single sign-on" portals.  While I appreciate the communication, I feel inundated with the repeated texts, phone calls, and emails.  I keep forgetting what the next lesson in my daughter's virtual class is about, and there's no book to pick up and flip through!  Just click, password, click, etc...  And do NOT even get me started on two-factor authentication!  I appreciate the extra efforts at security, but what a pain in the neck......

And since I've gotten started.......let's talk social media and news.  Like all technology, these tools can be real gifts.  I never would be able to talk to all of you or find my high school friends or feel like my sister is just minutes away.  But, as they say, you can have too much of a good thing.  It's easy to get overwhelmed with constant input and new information.  Talk about sensory overload!

Truly, as much as the internet has brought us closer together, it also has driven us further apart.  "We" ignore each other, and "we" are MEAN and argumentative behind our keyboards.  That part of it is really disturbing.  

Technology serves us well much of the time, but like us, it is constantly evolving and changing.  I guess that's what makes it so frustrating sometimes.  There's been a lot to adapt to in the last few months, and  my husband and I  are constantly talking about it.  We wonder what changes from this period in history will stick.  Will there always be masks, standing spots, enhanced cleaning protocols, and lowered capacities?  How long will it last?

I always answer this:  in the long run, people will keep what adds value, what makes life easier or more efficient but doesn't add so much cost or aggravation that the feasability of it fizzles.  Like most decisions, it comes down to risks vs. rewards.  We will not be able to be idealistic about it;  we will have to make choices.  But, we will move forward.  We may disagree about which direction to take or choices to make, but the reality is that every positive has a negative, and every negative has a positive.  It's all in how you want to look at it.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;  A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;  A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;  A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;  A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Reset

"I never have any time...."

"I really could use a vacation..."

"I think we're doing too much...."

"I don't know how to say no....."

"There's never enough hours in a day....."

STOP. Pause. Rest. Reset.

"Restart the computer....."

"You'll have to wipe your phone....."

"It stopped us in our tracks and forced us to slow down."

"I wasn't expecting this....."

"Take 2..."

"Return to factory default....."

RESET

I've can't believe that I haven't published a post since May 2.  It's been hard, though, to speak in a world that is so united and divided all at the same time.  In reality, most people have the same goals and desires.  They have the same fears and frustrations.  They are affected more or less personally and responding in kind.  But, instead of listening to the "other side", there seems to be a mentality that it's "all or nothing" with certain subjects.  And that's not okay.  

Everyone has differences.  It's what makes the world work.  I have had experiences and am in situations that you are not (and vice-versa).  What works for me or is within my current scope of understanding may or may not be like anything you have ever seen.  Can we share information with each other?  Sure, but we must also listen to each other.  It gives us a broader perspective to apply to all future encounters.  And if we can't - REST, stay silent, step away, and only then - RESET.

I'm terribly frustrated with the uncertainty of the near future.  It's truly driving me crazy.  I can't stand the inconsistency and the pettyness.  It's not an easy time - for ANYONE.  So, if you get frustrated or just plain "lose it", you're not alone.  Me, too.  

The Cycle of Feelings

My Dad told me once to never make decisions at night when I was tired.  Good advice.  I tried to nap and go to bed when I was feeling negative, but I still woke up just "done" today.  I haven't been sleeping really well.  Between waking up early, napping, and staying up late, I doubt that I'm truly getting the best rest.  It caught up with me today, I guess, because after lunch and a nap, I am feeling quite a bit better.  

I have to say, though, that after staying fairly positive despite continual change and uncertainty, I just didn't it in me this morning, and discouragement was really setting in.  I have to work pretty hard to stay on top of my mood.  Anxiety, depression, and a low sense of self-worth constantly try to creep in and take over.  One of the strategies I have learned to employ beside self-care is self-talk.  It is important for me to recognize that I hate transitions and change, but that I will feel much better as I become accustomed to the situation.  So, I realize that I AM adjusting to the barrage of cancellations and closings.  While my routine has been thrown into upheaval and unknowns still exist, I WILL adapt.  Meanwhile, I am uneasy and frustrated and being hungry or tired interrupts my ability to cope.  I am trying so hard to be strong, but I also need to give myself grace.  So, if you're feeling that way, too, you're not alone.  And it's going to be ok - eventually.

“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength; they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:31