Why???? Because The Battle Belongs To The Lord

No matter how much we know that God's plans are greater than ours, we still question "Why?".  We can have all the faith in the world, but some things still cause us to wonder how such heartbreak can really be from such a good God.  We say "Oh, Poor Me!" or "Oh, Poor Them!".  We care, and it hurts.

I think that if we are looking and we are honest, we often find the answer to the "whys" later on.  If we still can't find the cause, we can usually find the effect.  We can see how God has worked intimately in the details to put us in just the right place at just the right time in just the right circumstance.  It doesn't always start with a positive, but it always ends that way.....eventually.

Sometimes we just aren't grown up enough to see the full picture, and quite frankly, we never will be fully grown until we reach heaven.  Just like a child, we question, because with our lack of experience, we only have limited perspective.  That is as it should be.  No one blames a child for his innocence, but celebrates both when the child trusts those wiser than him and when he reaches milestones of further understanding for himself.  God celebrates that in us.

I wonder "Why?" a lot, but I don't question that God has a plan.  Am I deep down angry? Yes, but it doesn't change anything.  We are called to keep on keeping on, to take the next right step.  Sometimes, we are so broken that we don't know how to start.  In this I say two things:  Get quiet, get alone, and get real with God.  Share your hurt, and allow him to draw you near.  Let the agony out.  This might mean tears, screams, pillow punches, running.....just keep it safe for yourself and others.  When you are worn out, your heart can begin to heal, to hear the still, small voice of the One who loves you more than anything.  

It's not so much about answers as it is about feeling understood enough to put truth at the forefront.  It is a discussion that starts with pain and ends with peace.  Circumstances haven't changed, but demons have been battled and the victory belongs to the Lord.  This doesn't mean that the grief, sadness, depression, anger.... will not return.  It means that it has been pushed back.  It will be a battle again and again.

Secondly, let the routine drive you.  Sometimes, we just feel dead inside.  We know that we will feel better, but for now, life just feels too much.  This is when we do the next right thing.  We get up and feed our hungry kids.  We start a load of laundry.  We go to work or school.  In doing these things, we move forward.  We have a sense of normalcy and a good dose of "heavy work".  In due time, the fog lifts and the mood passes.  It is imperative that we do not let ourselves become stuck in depression.  Sometimes no one around us will understand.  Other times they will be just what we need.  Often, they just don't have the patience for it anymore.  We are strong.  We can rise above it.  His mercies are new every morning.  You are equipped.  

Father God, we don't know why.  We ache inside, and we long to feel better.  We ask that You would bind these demons against us and fill us with Your Holy Spirit that we might know Your truth and Your peace.  Hold us in Your loving arms and care for us as only You can.  Then, give us the strength to carry on day by day, hour by hour, and minute by minute.  Remind us to do the next right thing, that this season is just a season, that it will get better because that's how life works.  Teach us how to love others, because we have been loved.  Teach us to how to understand others, because we have been understood.  Teach us how to have compassion, because YOU have been compassionate with us.  Amen

Romans 8:26-39 (NIV)

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. 27And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, whoⁱ have been called according to His purpose. 

29For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. 30And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

31What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 

34Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 

35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?36As it is written:  “For your sake we face death all day long;  we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” 37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 

38For I am convinced that 

neither death nor life, 

neither angels nor demons,

neither the present nor the future, 

nor any powers, 

39neither height nor depth, 

nor anything else in all creation, 

will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Fear of Failure

I struggle constantly with feeling like I don't measure up.  I know that we will never be perfect until we get to heaven.  I know that perfection in this world is flawed by perspective anyway.  I know that God isn't done with me, yet I hear the message of the evil one over and over telling me that I just don't belong, don't contribute, am a failure.  I'm not good enough, I am stupid and nobody likes me. He continually lies and works to drag me down.  He points out my mistakes, and I struggle to forgive myself even though I know that I am forgiven.  This is indeed one of my greatest battles in life. 


I find it is worse when I am tired and worn out.  It is aggravated by the war of hormones in my body.  It is exacerbated by both my own sin and others' sin toward me.  Sometimes it makes sense.  Sometimes it doesn't. 


I am afraid because I know that if my children don't understand that ultimately this is a spiritual battle raging both inside me and them, that they won't understand that the only way to overcome it is with the truth. 


The truth is that we have been "fearfully and wonderfully made", that "God is for us, not against us", that everyone has a unique spiritual gifting that God is using in His ultimate plan.  The truth is that we "have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God", that "there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus", and that "the Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children".  Anyone who has children and loves them well knows that a parent would do anything for his children and that if we are God's children, He loves us even better than that.  Why can't we hold on to that truth?


It is because we have to consistently be refilled.  The world is not a perfect place.  We are not perfect people.  We have battles to wage, and our resources are being depleted.  If we try to do it on our own, we will quickly fail.  I guess it is kind of like a racetrack with the Holy Spirit right there with us and filling stations all along the way.  If we focus only on the road without seeking the direction of our Holy Spirit "guide", and refuse to utilize the fuel, maintenance, and rest stops along the way, we will eventually wear out.  Satan will find it easier to catch up with us and take advantages of our weak spots. 


Especially as mothers, we give and give and give.  We forget that our very survival depends on being refilled.  I feel depleted...that's why I write today, to remind myself and to encourage you.  I already feel more focused and hope that my words will help at least one person know that they are not alone.  I do this for me, and I do this for you.  While writing is therapeutic for me, I know that God can powerfully use these words to touch others in ways that I will never know.  So, please share if you feel led, and thank you for being my encouragement. 


Psalm 139:14
New International Version (NIV)

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.

Romans 8:31

New International Version (NIV)

What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

Romans 3:23

New International Version (NIV)

for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,  


Romans 8:1-4

New International Version (NIV)

1Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, 2because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. 3For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering.  And so he condemned sin in the flesh, 4in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.