Good News and Bad News

Well, I can't say that the last month has been boring.  It has, in fact, been filled with mostly really good news.


For instance, Justin made World Class for Infinity.  That was his goal and is the highest level in Indoor Percussion.  We are so happy for him.  Stay tuned for more news as the season starts in January.



We're also super excited about the Christmas 2019 tour that the Hagerty Band announced.  Rachel has been doing a stellar job learning the marimba part for the marching show.  As a Freshman, it is a real honor to already have the opportunity of playing this instrument.  She (and I) are adjusting well to this thing called high school.  (Ok, I'll admit it....you already know it was me that needed all the help adjusting, lol).


Steve got a great promotion and is already traveling and being challenged and recognized as a valuable member of his team.  The extra money is never a bad thing either :-).


The only bad thing (aside from the inconvenience of Steve getting his wallet stolen from the latest round of car break-ins in our neighborhood) has been my cancer diagnosis.  Even that has been riddled with great news and extremely evident of God's perfect placement of many previous events.  Long story short, I have been undergoing treatment and monitoring for anemia for almost the last three years.  It has been frustrating, because I am a puzzling case with borderline problems and unknown findings.  First, I had an iron deficiency, then abscesses and a fistula, and now in continuing to search for a cause have found colorectal cancer.  Fortunately, the doctor seems to think that it is a small and slow-growing tumor and very treatable.  It is possible that tomorrow's surgery will be the only inconvenience beside closer continued monitoring.  However, the final staging won't be for a couple of more weeks when lymph node involvement can be determined/ruled out.  Even then, chemotherapy is not supposed to be riddled with side effects and is likely time in a comfortable chair with an iv, something that I am used to and comfortable with because of my previous iron infusions.


Here are just some of the God Things I am noticing:


1.  My sister was a physician recruiter at her old job and recruited my surgeon.  He is top-notch.
2.  I have already had numerous procedures under anesthesia, including 4 in the last 16-17 months which required similar recovery periods.  Truthfully, I am anxious to see how hard this will hit me, and the not knowing is one of the most aggravating things to me right now.  Guess I get to learn some more patience and letting go.
3.  I already have been going to an oncologist (because he is also my hematologist) and am used to being poked and prodded and given infusions.
4.  I wasn't supposed to have a colonoscopy for at least another 2 1/2 years.  It was gentle nudging from two of my doctors and my speaking up to a third that allowed this to be found so early.
5.  I had an identical CT with contrast almost exactly 2 years ago which has allowed my doctors to have comparison data.
6.  My husband works at home and already is very involved with taking care of our family.
7.  My children are older and more capable of taking care of things like cooking and laundry.  Justin is in college now and home at 11 am Monday through Thursday and off on Friday.  This will help a lot when he is able to pick up his sisters or run to the store. 
8.  I have an incredibly loving and supportive network of family and friends which has already made this a lot less stressful and helped me to focus on the positive.
9.  Because of my many doctors' appointments especially with the hematologist/oncologist, I understand how much worse this could be and have also made friends and realize what an opportunity this is to spread the joy of the Lord.
10.  All of this is possible because of my faith in Jesus which was nurtured from a very early age.
11.  In high school, I helped with a student Bible study on the book of Job.  That is where I get much of my inspiration for his situation.
12.  Sadly, many others have gone before me in tragedy.  Many have been much less "lucky", yet their families continue to stay faithful.  They endured the loss but chose to lean in to God rather than isolate Him.  What a wonderful example.

Honestly, I'm scared and not scared.  I know who goes before me, but I also know that I want His will to be done and not my own.  I beg Him to say yes to me, just as Jesus asked the Father to spare him death on a cross.  But.....Your will be done.

I'm planning for my future, but I have learned to enjoy the moment.

Thanks for praying for me.

Jenny

P.S.  I am vulnerable in hopes that it might be an encouragement to someone someday.  Please share.

Dear Friends......

Dear Friends,


I haven't written much lately, partly because I am busy doing life and partly because some of the things that require the most reflection are too raw and private for even "The Vulnerable Mom" to share.  It is a difficult season of life, and it has only been in continually seeking the truth of God that I am not drowning.  I spend a lot of time in my garden and with my "projects".  I have an air mattress in my closet and have made a "Mom Cave"/"War Room".  I print out affirming statements and Bible truths and post them on my walls. 


God is faithful.  Rachel is participating in a Worship in the Arts camp at Northland this week.  Justin attends church each week with his girlfriend, and Hannah during one of my "temper tantrums" piped up that "This sounds like the demons".  The girls join me in my "cave" and get me to laugh when I am down.  God has always provided the strength and resources that I have needed when times are rough and gives me blessed rest in between.


I wonder what my next step will be.  I want to do so many things, and sometimes God says, "Nope, you need to stop and be here instead."  I've been battling iron deficiency anemia for months now and after many, many tests, I still don't know why.  I know lots of things that I don't have and am so very thankful for that, but it is frustrating to live in the unknown. 


So, for now, I wait.  I do the next right thing, and pray that I am not failing miserably.  Sometimes, I feel so very confident and other times, I question myself. 


I am scared.  I know I shouldn't worry, but I am on edge, awaiting the next battle.  Fortunately, the "God of Angel Armies" is always by my side.  I do not need to fear. 


Philippians 1:6 For I am confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will continue to perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.


In Christ,
Jenny


P.S.   Come see Rachel sing!  Mark your calendar and come out this Friday, June 24 at 7 p.m. in the sanctuary at Northland, A Church Distributed to support the young artists as they lead us in a celebration of Christ as the Bridge to God. A love offering will be taken to support the Trauma Healing Institute in Central Florida in partnership with the American Bible Society. 
Trauma Healing Institute serves communities all over the world in the aftermath of tragedies. Your donation will go towards funding trauma healing trainings for leaders and facilitators to be held in Central Florida, following the recent tragedy at the Pulse Nightclub.