16! Time to Celebrate!

Rachel turned 16 this week.  She got her driver's license.  She drove through Starbucks and picked up her little sister from middle school (by herself!), and I was okay with it.  She's been growing and gaining skills and wisdom in a way that is unique to adolescence but encouraging to a mama.  She's maturing.  It's good to see.  

The cool thing about this picture is that is one of many faces that Rachel
makes in this show, "The Fire Within".  She is playing marimba in
Infinity 3 this season. 

To see more, visit our "Infinity Percussion" page.

You know what else?  My kids are fun.  We laugh so hard sometimes, and we also cry.  Our kids get more "only child" time these days.  We tell them they are the "only child" when they are the only one with Steve and me.  Many days that is Justin when his classes take less time than the girls.  Often, it is Hannah as Justin and Rachel participate in percussion activities.  Sometimes, Hannah is the busy one.  This past month, Steve and I actually had a day of being "only parents" when all 3 kids had plans on a Saturday.

  

Hannah is a Junior Thespian.  Her troupe just performed Seussical Jr.
As you can see, Hannah was THING 3 and did an outstanding job
of providing comic relief during set changes.

To see more, visit our "Proud Mom Showcase" page.

I realize it's good.  It's busy.  It's a mom with older kids watching her kids live their dreams.  I am grateful.  

Ecclesiastes 3:1  To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven.

Justin is finishing his 2nd year of college and is performing
on the vibraphone with Infinity this spring.  He is a very
dedicated musician and is enjoying his 4th season with
Infinity Percussion.
 
To see more, visit our "Infinity Percussion" page.

Dear Friends......

Dear Friends,


I haven't written much lately, partly because I am busy doing life and partly because some of the things that require the most reflection are too raw and private for even "The Vulnerable Mom" to share.  It is a difficult season of life, and it has only been in continually seeking the truth of God that I am not drowning.  I spend a lot of time in my garden and with my "projects".  I have an air mattress in my closet and have made a "Mom Cave"/"War Room".  I print out affirming statements and Bible truths and post them on my walls. 


God is faithful.  Rachel is participating in a Worship in the Arts camp at Northland this week.  Justin attends church each week with his girlfriend, and Hannah during one of my "temper tantrums" piped up that "This sounds like the demons".  The girls join me in my "cave" and get me to laugh when I am down.  God has always provided the strength and resources that I have needed when times are rough and gives me blessed rest in between.


I wonder what my next step will be.  I want to do so many things, and sometimes God says, "Nope, you need to stop and be here instead."  I've been battling iron deficiency anemia for months now and after many, many tests, I still don't know why.  I know lots of things that I don't have and am so very thankful for that, but it is frustrating to live in the unknown. 


So, for now, I wait.  I do the next right thing, and pray that I am not failing miserably.  Sometimes, I feel so very confident and other times, I question myself. 


I am scared.  I know I shouldn't worry, but I am on edge, awaiting the next battle.  Fortunately, the "God of Angel Armies" is always by my side.  I do not need to fear. 


Philippians 1:6 For I am confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will continue to perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.


In Christ,
Jenny


P.S.   Come see Rachel sing!  Mark your calendar and come out this Friday, June 24 at 7 p.m. in the sanctuary at Northland, A Church Distributed to support the young artists as they lead us in a celebration of Christ as the Bridge to God. A love offering will be taken to support the Trauma Healing Institute in Central Florida in partnership with the American Bible Society. 
Trauma Healing Institute serves communities all over the world in the aftermath of tragedies. Your donation will go towards funding trauma healing trainings for leaders and facilitators to be held in Central Florida, following the recent tragedy at the Pulse Nightclub.

Discovery Cove

Since Justin is in Ireland and this isn't his thing, we took the opportunity to take the girls to Discovery Cove.  What a fun day!  Surprisingly, the dolphin encounter wasn't as scary as I thought it would be.  We even all kissed her! 

My cough was still lingering, and I am a total chicken, so I skipped the snorkel and mask, but enjoyed the Grand Reef from the shallow water.  Even the big stingray came up close!  The girls loved the snorkels and used them in the (nice and warm!) Wind-Away River with Steve.  After one trip around, I opted for a life jacket so I could just float. 

The aviary was so cool with lots of different species of birds and plenty of food to offer them.  We saw the marmosets in the Freshwater Oasis, but the otters were in hiding.  It, too, was wonderfully warm! 

The food, the experiences, everything included....we loved it!

Theology, from a seven year old point of view

When Hannah got off the bus recently, she said she had been daydreaming about God putting her back before she was born.  She described the evil angel (Satan) and gave vivid details about her musings.  At school, she reports playing and drawing pictures where Satan (the evil one) controls things (usually horses) while whoever else she wants in the story watches.  Trust me when I say that while I can't always remember all the elements of her imaginings, I know that she's got the basic theology down.  Satan is bad and God is good.


Recently, our family seems to be in a season of trial.  One thing after another happens to cause us to either trust in God or abandon all hope.  We are choosing trust.  While God is gracious and gives us brief periods of rest, life is very unpredictable right now and I truly feel that we are in a period of testing. 


I told my girls the story of Job.  In the Bible, it tells us that Satan (a fallen angel) visits God in heaven and questions the loyalty of a man named Job.  By the way, the name Job has a "long o".  Anyway, Satan tells God that of course Job is faithful and loyal to Him;  he has been blessed again and again.  God agrees to allow Satan to test Job.  The only condition is that he cannot take his life. 


As the story proceeds, Job loses his livestock (financial), servants, and children, is covered in painful sores, and still praises God.  The remainder of the story is a conversation between Job and his friends lamenting and debating the "whys" of the situation.  Finally, God intervenes and calls Job from a whirlwind, asking him rhetorical questions.  Job is overwhelmed by the encounter, and God restores his health, wealth, and family. 

We've also been talking about the spiritual warfare that is happening all around us every day.  Hannah and I sometimes name the demons we think are bothering us as Frank Peretti does in his book This Present Darkness.  We claim the power of Jesus' name by saying (even very quietly) "In the name of Jesus Christ, I command you to leave", and we believe that those demons are leaving.  I feel physical relief when I claim that power, so I can testify to this invisible battle.  We pray for the Holy Spirit and the angels to surround us and everywhere we go, and we feel protected. 


You see, I want my children to know where true power and protection come from.  I want them to know the difference between the truth of God and the lies of Satan.  I want them to know that even when we don't understand the "whys" and "whats", we have a God who does and who is working out HIS plan and HIS plan is always good in the end. 

1st Plane Ride

 

 

In the morning (January 7), we woke up at 4 am to get ready for our flight at 7:30.  Excitement filled the air as well as the usual tensions that come with trying to get 5 people to the airport on time.  Justin had stayed up all night and didn't want to go.  Best I could figure, there were several reasons for this but that could be summarized as, "My life is going well;  why bring a bunch of sadness and interruption into it?"  Of course much of that is the perspective of a 16 year old, but I doubt that many of us could deny having thought that same thing when confronted with something we knew we should do but didn't really want to have to deal with.


Anyway, Hannah and Rachel were excited, and their reactions (especially Hannah's) made it worth the whole trip.  We were above the clouds the whole time until landing.  It was really fun to have something be so new and exciting.  From getting on the plane, to taxiing down the runway, to takeoff, in flight entertainment, snacks, and landing, every piece was a learning experience.  I'm so glad we could have that joy in this journey.

 



My sister, Allie, calls this "I Cloud".

 

 

Unexpected

This week has been really hard and really wonderful all at the same time.  On Monday night, we all found out that my last living grandmother, my Dad's mom, had passed away suddenly and unexpectedly.  I was already dreading the emotions that were sure to come the next day when I attended my friend's memorial service.  At this point, I said, "just forget it....I'm not going.". 


We were all really shocked as Grandma (who lives in a co-op near Minneapolis, MN), though 86, had just spent time with much of the family and was in good health.  She stayed up watching the Vikings game with her friends and apparently got up in the middle of the night and collapsed.  No one was prepared.




My sister called the next morning to make sure that I knew about my friend's passing as we hadn't talked about it.  She encouraged me to go to the memorial service.  I'm glad I did.  I bawled through the whole thing, but it gave me some of the closure I needed and a chance to show support. 


I went to Mom and Dad's afterward and spent the next 10+ hours with them and planning our trip to Minnesota from Florida.  It helped me to talk about things and to have a mission. 


The next day, I spent long hours preparing for our trip among the normal drop off and pick up of the kids.  Again, the busyness was both exhausting and distracting.  It was to be our first trip to this branch of our family since 2004.  Back then, Justin was 4, Rachel a baby, and Hannah not even born.  This would be her first flight.  There would definitely be snow.  Justin didn't want to leave his friends.  A lot of emotion was swirling.  Not much sleep was happening.  The adventure would continue in the morning.

Back in the Saddle

Hannah broke her wrist and hadn't been horseback riding in over 8 weeks.  With sickness and holidays, no one had been to the barn in over 3 weeks.  The girls were itching to ride!

Rachel got a new saddle and other tack for Christmas and couldn't wait to try it out.  Hannah had been allowed to take her brace off for two weeks, but had been too scared to shed it for more than a few minutes at a time.  She had to wear it for riding anyway, but of course, I was concerned that she had lost quite a bit of strength. 

Kids are so resilient, though.  On Thursday, they got back in the saddle and did great!  It was almost as if they had never left!





Irony

 

 

After I got married, things changed.  The change wasn't as much with me as with my parents and siblings. In short, times changed, dynamics changed, and kids started to grow up. It was a hard transition for me. As I wrote in the post, "You Can Count on God", I realized over time that change was inevitable and that the only thing I could trust to NOT change was God.

Justin
Ironically, I am now at another huge transition where my own kids are starting to grow up. Justin is 16 now and a sophomore in high school. He drives, he has a girlfriend, and he'd rather be with his friends than his family. It's up and down and back and forth, though, with the root of it all being that he's being driven internally to become independent.

It's not that much different from toddlerhood. You see, God has given children an inner rebellion at just the right time. It is a conflict, really. They want to please us and be with us, yet this inner drive forces them to start moving away. The beauty of it is that they act so horribly sometimes that it helps us to loosen our grip on them! God's design continually amazes me!

They come back, though, and hormones even out, so it is true......"He makes all things beautiful in His time." Ecclesiastes 3:11

And by the way, I am so proud of Justin. He is a caring, dedicated, polite, responsible, and talented young man. He works very hard in school and band, has lots of friends, and is developing into a gifted musician. I can trust him and pray that God continues to weave great things into his life.

Rachel

Apparently, you better enjoy your "little kids" when they are in elementary school, because Rachel is now 11 1/2, in sixth grade, and as tall as me. She loves middle school, and I love watching her thrive. She is on the cheerleading team, in band (trumpet!) and chorus and has her own YouTube channel. She loves Minecraft and horses.

I miss the family times, though. It's easier when we can let them stay at home sometimes and when they can take more and more care of themselves, but it has a tendency to leave you lonely.

Hannah

Hannah is 7 1/2, in second grade, and reading like a champ. It seems like only yesterday that she started preschool. She loves Minecraft and horses, too, and chooses those activities over most others. She still has a beautiful childlike spirit but as the youngest, is often drawn into the activities of the older two. I still call her my baby, and she tells me, "Sorry, Mom, but I'm growing up!".

It seems like the oldest child gets kept younger, the youngest child grows up faster, and the middle gets stuck in between. It has its good and bad points, I guess.

The good part is that I have lots of littles to borrow and can give them back when I am realizing once again how old I seem to have become!

Vulnerable to the Passage of Time

It's hard to believe that almost a month has gone by since my last post. I have thought of several things to write about, but the one that stands out to me right now is the vulnerability that we all have to TIME. It's funny how the older we get, the faster time seems to go. I remember being a kid and thinking it was just FOREVER until Christmas (even once we were out on school break!). Now, it's late September, and it feels like Christmas was only a couple of months ago. As Moms, this "time flies" concept takes on a whole new meaning. It means that we are vulnerable to the realization (and all the emotion that comes with it) that our children are growing up WAYYYYYY too fast. It seems like only yesterday that......I can hardly bear to think that way. I guess that's one of the great blessings in having my children spaced 4 years apart-just when I "lose" one to preschool, I have a new baby to love at home.

Don't get me wrong-it's such a great thing to watch children grow. I am watching Hannah (my almost 6 month old) with the bittersweet joy that comes with the first year. A tiny helpless infant that, in 12 months time, develops into a walking, talking toddler. It is SO amazing-so fun to watch, and yet, seems to happen in the blink of an eye sometimes.

There are times I wish I wasn't so sentimental, because it really hurts a lot to be so exposed. I think, though, that it also allows me to experience things more deeply and fully. The great thing, I realize, is that with family to share life's experiences and pictures that document the journey, we can go back in time in our hearts and minds, continuing to learn through reflection accompanied by broadened perspective. We start to see the patterns and how God has placed us to interlock as pieces in a puzzle. We begin to glimpse the vision that He has for our tiny part in the world, and we acknowledge what He has always known and been trying to tell us from the Beginning-that God is God and we are NOT, that He actually does know what He's doing, and that He DOES indeed want what is best for us, even if we can't see it that way from our limited viewpoint.