Looking Back

I haven’t written in quite a while for a couple of reasons.  I’ve diverted my attention elsewhere (mostly crafting and visiting Dollar Tree 😂)) and haven’t really known what to say.  It is a very stressful and divisive time in our world, a time with a lot of lose-lose situations.  I find that as I have analyzed and  evaluated various decisions and opinions that sometimes both “sides” are right AND both “sides” are wrong.  People like to believe that their way is the only way, but the reality so many times isn’t even in the middle.  It’s just not there.  We live in an imperfect world and are imperfect people, but this year seems even harder.  It has clearly pointed out that we are all coming from unique places, yet fighting common battles.  It is hard for us to listen to each other and see “all sides of the coin”.  When we do, we realize that little is “black and white”.  There is always something else to consider, and oftentimes that means that there is never truly a “right” way.

My niece asked a very wise and innocent question of my sister recently.  She wondered, “Mom, what’s the least important job?”  Sarah couldn’t really come up with an answer, and neither could I the next day.  It’s an interesting question, I realized, because one, it depends on what you value and like, and two, every job in some way contributes to the livelihood of other jobs.  So, if posed as a personal question that affects your life, you might be able to answer this thought provoking question, but if phrased as this eight year old did, the answer is “none”.

So, if you’ve made it this far, I’ll tell you the real reason I started to write tonight.  My oldest child will be 21 tomorrow.  Unbelievable.  This weekend, an amazing thing happened.  My husband happened to have a  VCR arrive at the house.  He’s been wanting to find one for a while so that he could watch his senior video from high school.  Ironically, he had finally just obtained one, and pulled out one of the other few videocassettes still in our possession - Justin’s first and second birthdays.  Wow, almost exactly 20 (and 19) years ago to the day.  My “baby boy” right before my eyes again.  My mother’s heart is so full.  💜

Blessings,

Jenny

16! Time to Celebrate!

Rachel turned 16 this week.  She got her driver's license.  She drove through Starbucks and picked up her little sister from middle school (by herself!), and I was okay with it.  She's been growing and gaining skills and wisdom in a way that is unique to adolescence but encouraging to a mama.  She's maturing.  It's good to see.  

The cool thing about this picture is that is one of many faces that Rachel
makes in this show, "The Fire Within".  She is playing marimba in
Infinity 3 this season. 

To see more, visit our "Infinity Percussion" page.

You know what else?  My kids are fun.  We laugh so hard sometimes, and we also cry.  Our kids get more "only child" time these days.  We tell them they are the "only child" when they are the only one with Steve and me.  Many days that is Justin when his classes take less time than the girls.  Often, it is Hannah as Justin and Rachel participate in percussion activities.  Sometimes, Hannah is the busy one.  This past month, Steve and I actually had a day of being "only parents" when all 3 kids had plans on a Saturday.

  

Hannah is a Junior Thespian.  Her troupe just performed Seussical Jr.
As you can see, Hannah was THING 3 and did an outstanding job
of providing comic relief during set changes.

To see more, visit our "Proud Mom Showcase" page.

I realize it's good.  It's busy.  It's a mom with older kids watching her kids live their dreams.  I am grateful.  

Ecclesiastes 3:1  To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven.

Justin is finishing his 2nd year of college and is performing
on the vibraphone with Infinity this spring.  He is a very
dedicated musician and is enjoying his 4th season with
Infinity Percussion.
 
To see more, visit our "Infinity Percussion" page.

Holding it Together and Falling Apart

So, I've surprised myself.  I've been really excited for graduation and for my kids moving into high school and college.  I've only cried a little bit, even during the slideshow at the end-of- year Band Banquet.  Ok, there was a bit of sobbing at the middle school Chorus concert, but they DID play a heartwarming video of the kids recording "I Have a Voice" to include during a live benefit for Stoneman Douglas High School.  Plus, it all of a sudden hit me that she was graduating, too.  (I get one more year of elementary school next year-then done forever).

The way home from the banquet and many times today were another story.  I just kept getting triggered, totally depressed and overwhelmed.  I hope tomorrow is better, because really, it's ridiculous, like PMS on steroids.  I think all the various stresses, anticipated changes, and just staying strong finally caught up with me.

The next two weeks should be interesting.  Then, my calendar is blank.....wow.....

Philippians 4:7

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds n Christ Jesus."

Dear Friends......

Dear Friends,


I haven't written much lately, partly because I am busy doing life and partly because some of the things that require the most reflection are too raw and private for even "The Vulnerable Mom" to share.  It is a difficult season of life, and it has only been in continually seeking the truth of God that I am not drowning.  I spend a lot of time in my garden and with my "projects".  I have an air mattress in my closet and have made a "Mom Cave"/"War Room".  I print out affirming statements and Bible truths and post them on my walls. 


God is faithful.  Rachel is participating in a Worship in the Arts camp at Northland this week.  Justin attends church each week with his girlfriend, and Hannah during one of my "temper tantrums" piped up that "This sounds like the demons".  The girls join me in my "cave" and get me to laugh when I am down.  God has always provided the strength and resources that I have needed when times are rough and gives me blessed rest in between.


I wonder what my next step will be.  I want to do so many things, and sometimes God says, "Nope, you need to stop and be here instead."  I've been battling iron deficiency anemia for months now and after many, many tests, I still don't know why.  I know lots of things that I don't have and am so very thankful for that, but it is frustrating to live in the unknown. 


So, for now, I wait.  I do the next right thing, and pray that I am not failing miserably.  Sometimes, I feel so very confident and other times, I question myself. 


I am scared.  I know I shouldn't worry, but I am on edge, awaiting the next battle.  Fortunately, the "God of Angel Armies" is always by my side.  I do not need to fear. 


Philippians 1:6 For I am confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will continue to perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.


In Christ,
Jenny


P.S.   Come see Rachel sing!  Mark your calendar and come out this Friday, June 24 at 7 p.m. in the sanctuary at Northland, A Church Distributed to support the young artists as they lead us in a celebration of Christ as the Bridge to God. A love offering will be taken to support the Trauma Healing Institute in Central Florida in partnership with the American Bible Society. 
Trauma Healing Institute serves communities all over the world in the aftermath of tragedies. Your donation will go towards funding trauma healing trainings for leaders and facilitators to be held in Central Florida, following the recent tragedy at the Pulse Nightclub.

A Mom's Review: Twenty-One Pilots

My interest in the lyrics came after I realized that the song that Justin played on Grandma's piano was the song Truce and that the lyrics included the words "Stay alive...".  Different people have different ideas on what the song means.  What do you think?

Click here to read what others think the lyrics for Truce mean.

Click here for more Twenty-One Pilots lyrics

  

So, apparently, this musical group, Twenty-One Pilots, has started to go mainstream.  My son and daughter love them, and in talking with them recently, I've read some interesting things about the band, their lyrics, and their style. 

1.  Tyler Joseph, Nick Thomas, and Chris Salih were college friends that formed the band in 2009 in Columbus, Ohio.

2.  The band's name, Twenty-One Pilots, is inspired by the moral dilemma in Arthur Miller's play, All My Sons.  Tyler was studying this play about a man who has knowingly sent faulty parts that resulted in the death of 21 pilots in World War II. 

3.  The band self-released albums and songs and began touring Ohio.  In 2011, Nick and Chris left the band due to busy schedules and Tyler was joined by Josh Dun.

4.  The duo continued to self-release until the announcement of their signing with Fueled by Ramen (a subsidiary of Atlantic Records).

5.  The band is not a Christian band, although all of its members (now and in the past) are Christians.  Look for references to Christian theology and God in their lyrics.  Their genre is hard to define.  What do you think?

6.  An amazing variety of instrumentation is used by these talented young men.  They write their own songs and lyrics and often have to rap in order to fit all of their ideas in. 

For more information:

Click here to read the Wikipedia article.

Click here to view the band's official website

1st Plane Ride

 

 

In the morning (January 7), we woke up at 4 am to get ready for our flight at 7:30.  Excitement filled the air as well as the usual tensions that come with trying to get 5 people to the airport on time.  Justin had stayed up all night and didn't want to go.  Best I could figure, there were several reasons for this but that could be summarized as, "My life is going well;  why bring a bunch of sadness and interruption into it?"  Of course much of that is the perspective of a 16 year old, but I doubt that many of us could deny having thought that same thing when confronted with something we knew we should do but didn't really want to have to deal with.


Anyway, Hannah and Rachel were excited, and their reactions (especially Hannah's) made it worth the whole trip.  We were above the clouds the whole time until landing.  It was really fun to have something be so new and exciting.  From getting on the plane, to taxiing down the runway, to takeoff, in flight entertainment, snacks, and landing, every piece was a learning experience.  I'm so glad we could have that joy in this journey.

 



My sister, Allie, calls this "I Cloud".

 

 

Unexpected

This week has been really hard and really wonderful all at the same time.  On Monday night, we all found out that my last living grandmother, my Dad's mom, had passed away suddenly and unexpectedly.  I was already dreading the emotions that were sure to come the next day when I attended my friend's memorial service.  At this point, I said, "just forget it....I'm not going.". 


We were all really shocked as Grandma (who lives in a co-op near Minneapolis, MN), though 86, had just spent time with much of the family and was in good health.  She stayed up watching the Vikings game with her friends and apparently got up in the middle of the night and collapsed.  No one was prepared.




My sister called the next morning to make sure that I knew about my friend's passing as we hadn't talked about it.  She encouraged me to go to the memorial service.  I'm glad I did.  I bawled through the whole thing, but it gave me some of the closure I needed and a chance to show support. 


I went to Mom and Dad's afterward and spent the next 10+ hours with them and planning our trip to Minnesota from Florida.  It helped me to talk about things and to have a mission. 


The next day, I spent long hours preparing for our trip among the normal drop off and pick up of the kids.  Again, the busyness was both exhausting and distracting.  It was to be our first trip to this branch of our family since 2004.  Back then, Justin was 4, Rachel a baby, and Hannah not even born.  This would be her first flight.  There would definitely be snow.  Justin didn't want to leave his friends.  A lot of emotion was swirling.  Not much sleep was happening.  The adventure would continue in the morning.

Irony

 

 

After I got married, things changed.  The change wasn't as much with me as with my parents and siblings. In short, times changed, dynamics changed, and kids started to grow up. It was a hard transition for me. As I wrote in the post, "You Can Count on God", I realized over time that change was inevitable and that the only thing I could trust to NOT change was God.

Justin
Ironically, I am now at another huge transition where my own kids are starting to grow up. Justin is 16 now and a sophomore in high school. He drives, he has a girlfriend, and he'd rather be with his friends than his family. It's up and down and back and forth, though, with the root of it all being that he's being driven internally to become independent.

It's not that much different from toddlerhood. You see, God has given children an inner rebellion at just the right time. It is a conflict, really. They want to please us and be with us, yet this inner drive forces them to start moving away. The beauty of it is that they act so horribly sometimes that it helps us to loosen our grip on them! God's design continually amazes me!

They come back, though, and hormones even out, so it is true......"He makes all things beautiful in His time." Ecclesiastes 3:11

And by the way, I am so proud of Justin. He is a caring, dedicated, polite, responsible, and talented young man. He works very hard in school and band, has lots of friends, and is developing into a gifted musician. I can trust him and pray that God continues to weave great things into his life.

Rachel

Apparently, you better enjoy your "little kids" when they are in elementary school, because Rachel is now 11 1/2, in sixth grade, and as tall as me. She loves middle school, and I love watching her thrive. She is on the cheerleading team, in band (trumpet!) and chorus and has her own YouTube channel. She loves Minecraft and horses.

I miss the family times, though. It's easier when we can let them stay at home sometimes and when they can take more and more care of themselves, but it has a tendency to leave you lonely.

Hannah

Hannah is 7 1/2, in second grade, and reading like a champ. It seems like only yesterday that she started preschool. She loves Minecraft and horses, too, and chooses those activities over most others. She still has a beautiful childlike spirit but as the youngest, is often drawn into the activities of the older two. I still call her my baby, and she tells me, "Sorry, Mom, but I'm growing up!".

It seems like the oldest child gets kept younger, the youngest child grows up faster, and the middle gets stuck in between. It has its good and bad points, I guess.

The good part is that I have lots of littles to borrow and can give them back when I am realizing once again how old I seem to have become!

Vulnerable to the Passage of Time

It's hard to believe that almost a month has gone by since my last post. I have thought of several things to write about, but the one that stands out to me right now is the vulnerability that we all have to TIME. It's funny how the older we get, the faster time seems to go. I remember being a kid and thinking it was just FOREVER until Christmas (even once we were out on school break!). Now, it's late September, and it feels like Christmas was only a couple of months ago. As Moms, this "time flies" concept takes on a whole new meaning. It means that we are vulnerable to the realization (and all the emotion that comes with it) that our children are growing up WAYYYYYY too fast. It seems like only yesterday that......I can hardly bear to think that way. I guess that's one of the great blessings in having my children spaced 4 years apart-just when I "lose" one to preschool, I have a new baby to love at home.

Don't get me wrong-it's such a great thing to watch children grow. I am watching Hannah (my almost 6 month old) with the bittersweet joy that comes with the first year. A tiny helpless infant that, in 12 months time, develops into a walking, talking toddler. It is SO amazing-so fun to watch, and yet, seems to happen in the blink of an eye sometimes.

There are times I wish I wasn't so sentimental, because it really hurts a lot to be so exposed. I think, though, that it also allows me to experience things more deeply and fully. The great thing, I realize, is that with family to share life's experiences and pictures that document the journey, we can go back in time in our hearts and minds, continuing to learn through reflection accompanied by broadened perspective. We start to see the patterns and how God has placed us to interlock as pieces in a puzzle. We begin to glimpse the vision that He has for our tiny part in the world, and we acknowledge what He has always known and been trying to tell us from the Beginning-that God is God and we are NOT, that He actually does know what He's doing, and that He DOES indeed want what is best for us, even if we can't see it that way from our limited viewpoint.