Grief, Loss, Regret: That Punch in the Gut Moment

I had one of those "punch in the gut" moments last night where all of a sudden it entered my consciousness that my Grandma was really dead.  For me, this is a normal part of the grieving process.  I will start to have more and more normal life moments and less and less sadness.  Then, all of a sudden, POW!  It hits you like a ton of bricks that the loss isn't a dream, but reality.  The bad situation is in fact one you have to deal with.  The regret is real. 

A simple thing might trigger the thought process, an association or memory.  Sometimes, it is anticipating an event and realizing that a loved one won't be there or a hope for someone isn't going to happen.  Life has changed, and even though you knew it all along, the sudden reminder is startling. 

Then, life picks up again and the grief takes a backseat to the busyness.  It's always there, though.  The memories fade, but they don't disappear.  They are too important.  The pain lessens......until the next punch. 

Psalm 28:1-2, 6-8

To you I call, O Lord my Rock;  do not turn a deaf ear to me.  For if you remain silent, I will be like those who have gone down to the pit.  Hear my cry for mercy as I call to you for help, as I lift up my hands toward your Most Holy Place. 

Praise be to the Lord, for he has heard my cry for mercy.  The Lord is my strength and my shield;  my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped.  My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.  The Lord is the strength of his people, a fortress of salvation for his anointed one.

Top Ten Pinterest Picks: Valentine's Day

I love Pinterest.  I have a lot of pins.  I have a board just for Valentine's Day.  I have a 72 boards and over 8,500 pins.  No pressure, right ?  Nah.....Well, maybe a little.  So, I narrowed it down a bit for you.  Here are my Top Ten Pinterest Picks for Valentines' Day.

#1  I love conversation hearts.  Not only do they taste good, but I always associate them with my birthday in February and remember how my Grandpa and Grandma used to always send us a box of them in the mail.  This activity allows for fine motor practice, color naming, and sorting.  Thanks to FreeHomeschoolDeals.com for this awesome freebie!

#2  A variation of the Christmas Candy Tree, this Conversation Heart Tree is sweet indeed!  For step-by-step directions, visit AmandaJaneBrown.com.

#3  Pixie sticks represent lightsabers in this tribute to Star Wars.  Instructions can be found at Inchmark.squarespace.com.

#4   I love that these bag toppers combine both scripture and the flexibility to choose your own treat or one of the kid friendly suggestions.  Best of all NotConsumed.com is providing the printables for FREE!

#5   I'm a sucker for a cute footprint craft!  Check out this collection at CraftyMorning.com. 

#6 Thank you to 247Moms.com for linking us to this project.  The original post and printable tags can be found at  juliabettencourt.com.

#7   Free printable gum wrappers make these Minecraft valentines a realistic option for kids to share with their Creeper loving friends!  Thank you, SimpleAsThatBlog.com!

#8   This collection highlighted on CraftyMorning.com uses Smarties to create 12 different valentines.



#9   "Heart Man" is made using a readily available red Solo cup, colored paper, and googly eyes.  Thank you to CraftyMorning.com for showing us specific instructions for how to construct this festive Valentine's Day character.  Thank you also to sassydealz.com for this photo.

 #10   This awesome valentine combines 3 kid favorites:  glowsticks, Star Wars, and Lego Minifigures.  Go to StitchCraftCreations.com for instructions and FREE printables.  

A Mom's Review: Twenty-One Pilots

My interest in the lyrics came after I realized that the song that Justin played on Grandma's piano was the song Truce and that the lyrics included the words "Stay alive...".  Different people have different ideas on what the song means.  What do you think?

Click here to read what others think the lyrics for Truce mean.

Click here for more Twenty-One Pilots lyrics

  

So, apparently, this musical group, Twenty-One Pilots, has started to go mainstream.  My son and daughter love them, and in talking with them recently, I've read some interesting things about the band, their lyrics, and their style. 

1.  Tyler Joseph, Nick Thomas, and Chris Salih were college friends that formed the band in 2009 in Columbus, Ohio.

2.  The band's name, Twenty-One Pilots, is inspired by the moral dilemma in Arthur Miller's play, All My Sons.  Tyler was studying this play about a man who has knowingly sent faulty parts that resulted in the death of 21 pilots in World War II. 

3.  The band self-released albums and songs and began touring Ohio.  In 2011, Nick and Chris left the band due to busy schedules and Tyler was joined by Josh Dun.

4.  The duo continued to self-release until the announcement of their signing with Fueled by Ramen (a subsidiary of Atlantic Records).

5.  The band is not a Christian band, although all of its members (now and in the past) are Christians.  Look for references to Christian theology and God in their lyrics.  Their genre is hard to define.  What do you think?

6.  An amazing variety of instrumentation is used by these talented young men.  They write their own songs and lyrics and often have to rap in order to fit all of their ideas in. 

For more information:

Click here to read the Wikipedia article.

Click here to view the band's official website

Legacy

Matthew 7:16-20


¹⁶ By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? ¹⁷ Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. ¹⁸ A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. ¹⁹ Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. ²⁰ Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.

I read this scripture at my grandma's funeral.  It is originally a text teaching about recognizing the difference between false and good prophets.  We talked a lot about how it applies to people in general.  If we are a tree that is growing upward and downward, we will branch out and produce much good fruit, affecting many people's lives in positive ways.  These "fruit" will then produce seeds and create new trees, multiplying the effect. 

The sun is an imperative ingredient in the process of photosynthesis, providing food and nutrients for the tree.  The tree grows tall and the branches spread out seeking this sun.  Likewise, a person should consistently seek the Light of God (the Son) by communicating directly with Him and by building relationships with others that point us to God. 

A tree must also receive water and nutrients from the soil.  In order to do this effectively, the roots must branch out underground in many directions.  This also helps to support the tree as it grows. 

Grandma and Grandpa put down roots in Minnesota.  They lived there their whole lives and invested in their community.  This was evidenced by the presence of people from Coca-Cola (my grandfather's workplace for over 30 years), Boy Scouts (a long-time commitment by both of them and their 6 boys), Lion's Club, residents from the Co-op where Grandma lived, old neighbors and friends from the boys' childhood (They are all over 50 years old now.), and many others.  Additionally, over 60 sons, daughter-in-laws, grandchildren and their spouses, and great-children were in attendance.  Grandma was actively involved in each of our lives, even those of us that lived far away.  She remembered everything and cared about everybody.  She has left us a legacy to continue.  We will miss her.



1st Plane Ride

 

 

In the morning (January 7), we woke up at 4 am to get ready for our flight at 7:30.  Excitement filled the air as well as the usual tensions that come with trying to get 5 people to the airport on time.  Justin had stayed up all night and didn't want to go.  Best I could figure, there were several reasons for this but that could be summarized as, "My life is going well;  why bring a bunch of sadness and interruption into it?"  Of course much of that is the perspective of a 16 year old, but I doubt that many of us could deny having thought that same thing when confronted with something we knew we should do but didn't really want to have to deal with.


Anyway, Hannah and Rachel were excited, and their reactions (especially Hannah's) made it worth the whole trip.  We were above the clouds the whole time until landing.  It was really fun to have something be so new and exciting.  From getting on the plane, to taxiing down the runway, to takeoff, in flight entertainment, snacks, and landing, every piece was a learning experience.  I'm so glad we could have that joy in this journey.

 



My sister, Allie, calls this "I Cloud".

 

 

Unexpected

This week has been really hard and really wonderful all at the same time.  On Monday night, we all found out that my last living grandmother, my Dad's mom, had passed away suddenly and unexpectedly.  I was already dreading the emotions that were sure to come the next day when I attended my friend's memorial service.  At this point, I said, "just forget it....I'm not going.". 


We were all really shocked as Grandma (who lives in a co-op near Minneapolis, MN), though 86, had just spent time with much of the family and was in good health.  She stayed up watching the Vikings game with her friends and apparently got up in the middle of the night and collapsed.  No one was prepared.




My sister called the next morning to make sure that I knew about my friend's passing as we hadn't talked about it.  She encouraged me to go to the memorial service.  I'm glad I did.  I bawled through the whole thing, but it gave me some of the closure I needed and a chance to show support. 


I went to Mom and Dad's afterward and spent the next 10+ hours with them and planning our trip to Minnesota from Florida.  It helped me to talk about things and to have a mission. 


The next day, I spent long hours preparing for our trip among the normal drop off and pick up of the kids.  Again, the busyness was both exhausting and distracting.  It was to be our first trip to this branch of our family since 2004.  Back then, Justin was 4, Rachel a baby, and Hannah not even born.  This would be her first flight.  There would definitely be snow.  Justin didn't want to leave his friends.  A lot of emotion was swirling.  Not much sleep was happening.  The adventure would continue in the morning.

Back in the Saddle

Hannah broke her wrist and hadn't been horseback riding in over 8 weeks.  With sickness and holidays, no one had been to the barn in over 3 weeks.  The girls were itching to ride!

Rachel got a new saddle and other tack for Christmas and couldn't wait to try it out.  Hannah had been allowed to take her brace off for two weeks, but had been too scared to shed it for more than a few minutes at a time.  She had to wear it for riding anyway, but of course, I was concerned that she had lost quite a bit of strength. 

Kids are so resilient, though.  On Thursday, they got back in the saddle and did great!  It was almost as if they had never left!