You Can Count on God

And He knows your name.

And He's always the same.

No matter how life may change,

You can count on God.

This is the chorus of a song that I wrote in the heartache of watching, through Facebook and weekly church updates, the journey of an old friend. My friend is from when our church was small. We were part of the original youth group. His dad is still the pastor. I don't know him much now, but I have a daughter only a few months older than his. Except,

he and his wife lost their daughter. They discovered her brain tumor, shared with all of us, demonstrated incredible faith, and said goodbye all in ten short weeks. It was heartbreaking and amazing all at once. God used them.

But....I still cried. I'm still sad. I was scared.

One night when the pain was deep, in the throes of their journey, a song came to my heart. I never quite got the verses (or maybe I threw them away), but the chorus remains. It speaks truth, a truth I discovered in an earlier life valley. It is a truth I continue to hold on to.

I bring back these words because, since then, his brother, also a youth group buddy (my little sister's age) has died. This time it was by choice. I still grieve.

Yet, their family still shines as an example of faithfulness. Ironically, it was their mom that taught me about the book of Job in the Bible.

Today, I am sad because yet another youth group friend has died. I'm not even sure what happened or what had become of him in the last 20+ years. I do know that in high school, I saw Christ in him and looked up to him. He used the resources given to him to include people and was one of the few I called friend. After high school, I don't know if we would have been friends. I gather that my friend still did great things and loved people well. I am proud of that. I read that maybe he made choices I would have disagreed with, and I wish that he could have been the man of God that I dreamed him to be (maybe he was, I really don't know). I grieve for my friends that were closer with him than I, and I am saddened that we, as a society, seem to miss that the people who are most charismatic and giving to others are also hurting and in need of support.

Today, I mourn my youth and the loss of innocence.

So, right this moment, I continue to "count on God", because I have realized that He's truly all I have to count on. I've had great, giving, faithful people in my life and continue to do so.

But.....life changes.......

Irony

 

 

After I got married, things changed.  The change wasn't as much with me as with my parents and siblings. In short, times changed, dynamics changed, and kids started to grow up. It was a hard transition for me. As I wrote in the post, "You Can Count on God", I realized over time that change was inevitable and that the only thing I could trust to NOT change was God.

Justin
Ironically, I am now at another huge transition where my own kids are starting to grow up. Justin is 16 now and a sophomore in high school. He drives, he has a girlfriend, and he'd rather be with his friends than his family. It's up and down and back and forth, though, with the root of it all being that he's being driven internally to become independent.

It's not that much different from toddlerhood. You see, God has given children an inner rebellion at just the right time. It is a conflict, really. They want to please us and be with us, yet this inner drive forces them to start moving away. The beauty of it is that they act so horribly sometimes that it helps us to loosen our grip on them! God's design continually amazes me!

They come back, though, and hormones even out, so it is true......"He makes all things beautiful in His time." Ecclesiastes 3:11

And by the way, I am so proud of Justin. He is a caring, dedicated, polite, responsible, and talented young man. He works very hard in school and band, has lots of friends, and is developing into a gifted musician. I can trust him and pray that God continues to weave great things into his life.

Rachel

Apparently, you better enjoy your "little kids" when they are in elementary school, because Rachel is now 11 1/2, in sixth grade, and as tall as me. She loves middle school, and I love watching her thrive. She is on the cheerleading team, in band (trumpet!) and chorus and has her own YouTube channel. She loves Minecraft and horses.

I miss the family times, though. It's easier when we can let them stay at home sometimes and when they can take more and more care of themselves, but it has a tendency to leave you lonely.

Hannah

Hannah is 7 1/2, in second grade, and reading like a champ. It seems like only yesterday that she started preschool. She loves Minecraft and horses, too, and chooses those activities over most others. She still has a beautiful childlike spirit but as the youngest, is often drawn into the activities of the older two. I still call her my baby, and she tells me, "Sorry, Mom, but I'm growing up!".

It seems like the oldest child gets kept younger, the youngest child grows up faster, and the middle gets stuck in between. It has its good and bad points, I guess.

The good part is that I have lots of littles to borrow and can give them back when I am realizing once again how old I seem to have become!