Vulnerable to Exhaustion and Emotional Overload

I am TIRED.... I am ANGRY... I am SAD... I am HAPPY...I am CONFUSED...I am DELIGHTED...I am OVERCOME WITH JOY...I am SENTIMENTAL...I am WORRIED

I am TRUSTING......................

Vulnerable to the Passage of Time

It's hard to believe that almost a month has gone by since my last post. I have thought of several things to write about, but the one that stands out to me right now is the vulnerability that we all have to TIME. It's funny how the older we get, the faster time seems to go. I remember being a kid and thinking it was just FOREVER until Christmas (even once we were out on school break!). Now, it's late September, and it feels like Christmas was only a couple of months ago. As Moms, this "time flies" concept takes on a whole new meaning. It means that we are vulnerable to the realization (and all the emotion that comes with it) that our children are growing up WAYYYYYY too fast. It seems like only yesterday that......I can hardly bear to think that way. I guess that's one of the great blessings in having my children spaced 4 years apart-just when I "lose" one to preschool, I have a new baby to love at home.

Don't get me wrong-it's such a great thing to watch children grow. I am watching Hannah (my almost 6 month old) with the bittersweet joy that comes with the first year. A tiny helpless infant that, in 12 months time, develops into a walking, talking toddler. It is SO amazing-so fun to watch, and yet, seems to happen in the blink of an eye sometimes.

There are times I wish I wasn't so sentimental, because it really hurts a lot to be so exposed. I think, though, that it also allows me to experience things more deeply and fully. The great thing, I realize, is that with family to share life's experiences and pictures that document the journey, we can go back in time in our hearts and minds, continuing to learn through reflection accompanied by broadened perspective. We start to see the patterns and how God has placed us to interlock as pieces in a puzzle. We begin to glimpse the vision that He has for our tiny part in the world, and we acknowledge what He has always known and been trying to tell us from the Beginning-that God is God and we are NOT, that He actually does know what He's doing, and that He DOES indeed want what is best for us, even if we can't see it that way from our limited viewpoint.

Bursting With Joy

Wearing your heart outside your body and being a vulnerable mom doesn't always refer to negative emotions (like fear and sadness), but also to the pure, unadulterated joy that comes with witnessing the development of a life. Hannah, my 4 1/2 month old, is definitely going through another development spurt. Recently, she has "found her hands" and has been using them much more purposefully, first grabbing things, and then over the last week or two sucking her thumb a lot. She is definitely our "paci baby", but seems to like her thumb as well, so it will be interesting to see if there is a conversion or not.

Two of the cutest things happened today to bring me joy! First, at Rachel's dance class, my friends said, "Awww..", and I looked down to see Hannah sucking her thumb again. The heart squeezing part was that she was doing just what I had predicted earlier - wrapping those cute little fingers around her nose while sucking her thumb-I just LOVE that!

Then, tonight, we realized that she was really starting to get ahold of things and bring them to her mouth. She seemed to be craving this (I think her teeth are moving up), and I had given her one of Rachel's toys to suck on. Rachel thought this was funny and handed her a pretend biscuit which Hannah of course began to lick and suck on. It occurred to me that this was a perfect opportunity for the kids to interact, so I suggested that Rachel get her play food and "serve" it to Hannah (something Rachel loves to do and is not quite as much fun for us "old people" :>). Well, she jumped at the chance, and Justin got involved as well, and before I knew it, I had 3 happy kids. We all really started to laugh when Justin handed her the fake Dairy Queen ice cream cone and Hannah held it and licked it-of course, the camera wasn't handy, but we will probably try for some photos tomorrow. It was one of those great family moments that I hope we never forget.

The First Day of School

Well, here we are in Central Florida in the middle of Tropical Storm Fay. What I had deemed as as yet another non-event for our house, has at least turned into a decent rainstorm, so we will see what tomorrow will bring. God does have a sense of humor, it seems, as with all my worrying, the kids had a great first day of school, and then it was closed for today and tomorrow. Go figure! I guess you could also think of that as provision, in that it is less transition all at once.

Rachel had a hard time with dance class yesterday even though she usually loves it, but I think she was tired and was a bit fearful of the new teacher. She fell asleep early, so the day definitely wore her out. Justin said he recognized almost everyone in his class. I was really glad for that since last year was the first year, he had anyone from a previous class and it wasn't even from the year before. This year he has one student from last year's class, two or three from years past, and others he knows from specials and such. Hopefully, this will help with the transition!

The wedding was fun, even though I was grumpy at first. The usual clothing crisis ensued over Rachel's outfit, but all was well in the end. The kids enjoyed their cousins and there were plenty of people I knew there, so it was fun. AND...we found out that Justin's teacher was one of Aunt Alice's senior interns! She said she is really good, that she had recommended her for hire and would email her about Justin! God is really watching out for my kids-I love that!

I had another battle with Justin today. I hope it is a normal 8 year old attitude-so frustrating, though! I thought I would get to wait until the teen years for the mouthiness-ugh!!!

Anyway, that's about it for today. I am loving the PACMAN game to the right :>