My Mission

I often wonder what else I should be doing. Am I having any impact at all on the world around me? Today this popped into my head again, and I wrote it on my whiteboard as a reminder: You are exactly where God wants you to be. I need to be reassured of that fact, and I wrote it as if someone was saying it to me, but really, I am saying it to myself. I am full of negative self-talk and whispers of untruths from the Deceiver. So, today I will put truth at the forefront of my mind and choose to make my life a ministry right where I am, because I am right where God wants me to be. Blessings!

GRADUATION!!!

Ok, well, this was actually two 
five and a half  
nine weeks ago......

Graduation was AWESOME !!!

I am so proud of my son and all of his friends for graduating high school.  They persisted and not only succeeded but excelled.  I could never have predicted the journey Justin's high school years would take him on or the growth that happens in four short years.  It was so fun to celebrate these successes and was filled with more joy than tears.  Praise be to God!

I have to admit that the previous week's rain and rain before and after the ceremony really put a damper (pun intended) on things, especially getting pictures with friends.  It definitely made it memorable, though, and I was more than grateful to have remembered my umbrella.

...............MORE PICTURES COMING SOON...............

Now, my next "baby" is going to high school.  Rachel just finished middle school with a fun-filled 8th grade dance.  She looked gorgeous!

Rachel is going to continue with percussion, so she has already begun to bond with the members of that group.  This helps not only her transition but Mom and Dad's, too!  Still, it once again feels weird to be crossing this bridge with our child.

Hannah has finished 4th grade, I have one more year of elementary school left.  She is so excited to be an "Officer" next year on the Safety Patrol.  She will get to raise and lower the flag and fill in wherever she's needed.

Why???? Because The Battle Belongs To The Lord

No matter how much we know that God's plans are greater than ours, we still question "Why?".  We can have all the faith in the world, but some things still cause us to wonder how such heartbreak can really be from such a good God.  We say "Oh, Poor Me!" or "Oh, Poor Them!".  We care, and it hurts.

I think that if we are looking and we are honest, we often find the answer to the "whys" later on.  If we still can't find the cause, we can usually find the effect.  We can see how God has worked intimately in the details to put us in just the right place at just the right time in just the right circumstance.  It doesn't always start with a positive, but it always ends that way.....eventually.

Sometimes we just aren't grown up enough to see the full picture, and quite frankly, we never will be fully grown until we reach heaven.  Just like a child, we question, because with our lack of experience, we only have limited perspective.  That is as it should be.  No one blames a child for his innocence, but celebrates both when the child trusts those wiser than him and when he reaches milestones of further understanding for himself.  God celebrates that in us.

I wonder "Why?" a lot, but I don't question that God has a plan.  Am I deep down angry? Yes, but it doesn't change anything.  We are called to keep on keeping on, to take the next right step.  Sometimes, we are so broken that we don't know how to start.  In this I say two things:  Get quiet, get alone, and get real with God.  Share your hurt, and allow him to draw you near.  Let the agony out.  This might mean tears, screams, pillow punches, running.....just keep it safe for yourself and others.  When you are worn out, your heart can begin to heal, to hear the still, small voice of the One who loves you more than anything.  

It's not so much about answers as it is about feeling understood enough to put truth at the forefront.  It is a discussion that starts with pain and ends with peace.  Circumstances haven't changed, but demons have been battled and the victory belongs to the Lord.  This doesn't mean that the grief, sadness, depression, anger.... will not return.  It means that it has been pushed back.  It will be a battle again and again.

Secondly, let the routine drive you.  Sometimes, we just feel dead inside.  We know that we will feel better, but for now, life just feels too much.  This is when we do the next right thing.  We get up and feed our hungry kids.  We start a load of laundry.  We go to work or school.  In doing these things, we move forward.  We have a sense of normalcy and a good dose of "heavy work".  In due time, the fog lifts and the mood passes.  It is imperative that we do not let ourselves become stuck in depression.  Sometimes no one around us will understand.  Other times they will be just what we need.  Often, they just don't have the patience for it anymore.  We are strong.  We can rise above it.  His mercies are new every morning.  You are equipped.  

Father God, we don't know why.  We ache inside, and we long to feel better.  We ask that You would bind these demons against us and fill us with Your Holy Spirit that we might know Your truth and Your peace.  Hold us in Your loving arms and care for us as only You can.  Then, give us the strength to carry on day by day, hour by hour, and minute by minute.  Remind us to do the next right thing, that this season is just a season, that it will get better because that's how life works.  Teach us how to love others, because we have been loved.  Teach us to how to understand others, because we have been understood.  Teach us how to have compassion, because YOU have been compassionate with us.  Amen

Romans 8:26-39 (NIV)

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. 27And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, whoⁱ have been called according to His purpose. 

29For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. 30And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

31What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 

34Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 

35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?36As it is written:  “For your sake we face death all day long;  we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” 37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 

38For I am convinced that 

neither death nor life, 

neither angels nor demons,

neither the present nor the future, 

nor any powers, 

39neither height nor depth, 

nor anything else in all creation, 

will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I'll see you in heaven......

Well, it seems that another influential person of my past has joined Jesus in heaven far too young and far too tragically.  If we are to be truthful, all of us are here for a season, and God has planned out and numbered each of our days.  His perfection is not limited by our imperfection.  Pastor Orlando Rivera was killed in a car accident early morning on Memorial Day.  He was only 52 and left behind a large family and legacy.  I haven't seen him in a very long time, but in coming upon his picture, his friendly and caring personality came right back to me.  He was a pastor at my church during an influential time in my life.  I don't remember how long he was there, but know it was in high school and beyond.   
I remember seeing him working in a Chick-Fil-A sometime when my children were young.  I believe he was a pastor for another church at that time.  It was probably the last time I saw him.  I remember that he and his wife were the first interracial couple that I ever knew.  I think that they moved to the Parramore area to live in a neighborhood that was scary to be near but desperately needed to experience God's love.  I think that many, if not all, of their many children are adopted.  I could be wrong as it's been a long time, but I find it interesting that seeing a photograph of his smiling face brings back the dynamic and inclusive person that he was.  I pray for his family, not because they can't survive, for I am certain that their strength comes from the Lord.  I pray because it is hard to lose someone, but even harder to not be able to say goodbye.  It is a very real fear of mine.

I am thankful to have known these people that now wait for me in heaven......Grandpa and Grandma Carlson, Grandpa Lehn, Ava, Isaac, Chad, Grandma Lehn, Angie's Dad, and now Orlando.  I also found out that two very special friends of mine that stuck with me through the toddler and preschool years with my oldest, have both lost their husbands.  One friend was happily married and lost her husband very quickly to brain cancer.  The other friend had remarried, but has two daughters who lost their father instantly (I believe also in a wrong way collision, like Orlando).  

Unbelievable.  It is amazing to me how many have died so young.  I find it comforting to think that we are developing a personal distributed church in heaven.  Hold on to your faith, for it truly is the only constant that you will ever have.  I write without revision, because the sadness is fresh and the shock is real.  Even while God has protected me personally by distancing me through the years from those that have been taken away, others have not been so lucky.  Maybe they are just in a different place, though, with different strengths and different things to learn.  

Caring is hard no matter what.  Being vulnerable enough to love results in great joy AND great pain.  Bravo to those that keep their eyes fixed on Jesus and are willing to risk loving.  

Matthew 5:4. "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."

Go in HIS peace........